Two **

Diego turned two a couple weeks ago. You always hear about what this age will be like. And what can you do but nod and wait to see what it really is like in your experience.

Diego has always been mellow for the most part, with sudden waves of tantrums and fits that come and go. But still, he is mellow, I don't have to run around chasing him too often, he sits still, he eats great, he cuddles and plays really well, doesn't bully- even though he is so much bigger, and I feel lucky for all these things. However sometimes, when we are in the middle of one of those waves (that usually last a few weeks), I feel helpless.

Today I put him in his car seat and he started screaming. Soon he stopped. I took him out of his car seat and asked him to come inside. Again he started screaming, throwing himself. I took him inside, more screaming. So I did the good ol time out. I too, screaming as I marched him to his room. When I closed the door behind me, my heart was pumping so fast, and I felt so angry. And then I felt sad, for feeling angry. Diego, still screaming in his room. I decided to march in there and put him in some sweats and get him straight to nap without reading him stories like I always do. But when I picked him up and took his clothes off, he started crying such sad tears, not angry or frustrated ones. So I hugged him and we rocked on his rocking chair for a good while, all the time him squeezing his arms around my neck.  Both of us calming down together. And I still felt sad. I didn't like losing control, and I constantly remind myself that this little boy is going to grow up so quick and I don't want to look back and feel like there were times I hurt him. But I will probably get angry a thousand more times, and he will scream at me a million more times, and this is how it will be. But I want to find a way to not be down there screaming with him. I want to find a way to  accept the tantrums and handle them the way a pro parent would. I'm 26 and in times like these, I feel like a kid, unsure of what to do. And they are such little things. I mean, they are just temper tantrums, but there is always that idea that you should know how to handle every aspect of parenting, and well, I don't.