The last couple O days of Trimester Two

I'm sitting here, enjoying my snickers ice cream bar. Baby is too, I am assuming, since it is dancing up a storm. Husband is working night shift today and I have been sitting on the computer for the last hour looking at photographs getting lost in nostalgia. I should be studying, but instead I'm choosing to soak up all these photographs of my previous pregnancy and my time with Diego as an infant. I am remembering what it will be like and it does nothing but make me smile. I have 2 days left until I am in my third trimester and from there I have, TWELVE WEEKS!!! until my little poppy seed is snuggling up on my chest. Oh how sweet that will be. 

I find myself daydreaming about that day in the labor room when my husband is the one to let me know, "It's a _____!" And while I am not eager to find out the sex, I still can't believe that I don't have a hunch. I thought that by now I would have a feeling as to what the baby's sex is, but I have no idea. And really, that makes it more exciting.

I assembled the cradle a couple of weeks ago and have a bright green cradle bedding set coming in the mail. I think the nesting has started. I feel like I need to have the basics ready. Just in case. Tomorrow I'll buy some Dreft and wash all the onesies I already purchased. 

Nesting is funny. 

Two **

Diego turned two a couple weeks ago. You always hear about what this age will be like. And what can you do but nod and wait to see what it really is like in your experience.

Diego has always been mellow for the most part, with sudden waves of tantrums and fits that come and go. But still, he is mellow, I don't have to run around chasing him too often, he sits still, he eats great, he cuddles and plays really well, doesn't bully- even though he is so much bigger, and I feel lucky for all these things. However sometimes, when we are in the middle of one of those waves (that usually last a few weeks), I feel helpless.

Today I put him in his car seat and he started screaming. Soon he stopped. I took him out of his car seat and asked him to come inside. Again he started screaming, throwing himself. I took him inside, more screaming. So I did the good ol time out. I too, screaming as I marched him to his room. When I closed the door behind me, my heart was pumping so fast, and I felt so angry. And then I felt sad, for feeling angry. Diego, still screaming in his room. I decided to march in there and put him in some sweats and get him straight to nap without reading him stories like I always do. But when I picked him up and took his clothes off, he started crying such sad tears, not angry or frustrated ones. So I hugged him and we rocked on his rocking chair for a good while, all the time him squeezing his arms around my neck.  Both of us calming down together. And I still felt sad. I didn't like losing control, and I constantly remind myself that this little boy is going to grow up so quick and I don't want to look back and feel like there were times I hurt him. But I will probably get angry a thousand more times, and he will scream at me a million more times, and this is how it will be. But I want to find a way to not be down there screaming with him. I want to find a way to  accept the tantrums and handle them the way a pro parent would. I'm 26 and in times like these, I feel like a kid, unsure of what to do. And they are such little things. I mean, they are just temper tantrums, but there is always that idea that you should know how to handle every aspect of parenting, and well, I don't.

Much, much Later// 20 weeks

I just played a few songs from Into the Blue- by the Album Leaf and did some stretches and yoga poses, squats along with a breathing meditation, and now I am sitting here, music still playing reflecting on where I am now. So much time has passed since I wrote last, and too many things have happened. The major thing is that baby is OK. I am, needless to say, no longer on bed rest and as of last week my pregnancy is now normal. The blood clot is finally gone! 

I was on bed rest for 2.5 weeks and then after that it was pelvic rest until last week's ultrasound-- where it became clear the clot was gone and I was allowed to have a normal routine, sex and all, Mellow yoga, some dancing, and lots of walks. I feel so happy. 

So here I am sitting in our new room- Nicholas is working graveyard tonight. Our new room... We moved into our very own home. Two plus weeks ago we got the keys to our new house and let me say-- it has been magical. Our bedroom gets warm sunlight in the morning-- we can even see the sun rise over the mountains. Our living room gets warm sunlight in the evening and has a pellet stove- perfect for these winter nights. Our yard has a big deck and a lot of grass for Diego to trample on. And the third bedroom is sitting bare waiting for it's new inhabitant.

So here I am, glowing, happy to have Diego and Nicholas and so excited for this baby that has been kicking me so much. My babe, now the size of the banana, has been moving so much. I felt babe move for the first time at 16 weeks, and now the movements are only getting stronger. I had missed this feeling-- having something grow inside of you. 

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