Lady and the Bed Rest

Today marks Day 3 of strict bed rest and I might just got nuts laying here. I am so particular about things and the way they need to be done, especially with when it comes to my son, and now I have to lay here and just watch my husband dress my poor child in all the wrong clothes, and yell from the sidelines, "Don't forget this, don't forget that! Did you do this? I need that!" My poor husband. My poor little guy I can't carry. And poor me, really.

BUT I shouldn't complain. It's a really selfish thing to do. The important thing is that babe be okay. I need to lay here and heal, so that babe is OK. 

A few days ago, I was up and down cleaning, cooking, caring for my son and his little girlfriend, when I sat down for a break. I felt my panties start to get wet. Really wet. I fell into denial, just sitting there not wanting to think about what was happening, too scared to move, until finally I moved myself to toilet and actually saw and felt blood dripping out. I called my doctor. Right away they said, "You need to go to the ER, NOW." I hung up and called my husband crying, he said he'd be home in two minutes. I called my sister to come watch the kids, and within minutes she was here and we were gone. On my way to the hospital the doctor called and said to go to his office instead of the ER and so we went. When the nurse called us to the room and had me undress, I started pouring blood and I sobbed and sobbed thinking, "this is it." I made a mess and laid there with layers of pads underneath me crying in my husbands arms. The doctor stormed in and right away started the ultrasound, and there babe was, kicking its tiny legs, beating its tiny heart. And I cried... "thank you."

So why was I bleeding? Well there is the placenta previa-- which isn't too uncommon. But now there's more. There is a blood clot resting under baby. It has happened that the clot can come out and let baby out. So here I am waiting to pass the clot, on strict bed rest so that babe stays inside me and grows beautifully. And I Hope and I Wish and I'm sure babe will be just fine.

Baby 10 weeks 5 Days the size of a Lime

This past week, I was asked to go in to see the doctor. I had started to spot. Naturally they wanted to make sure baby was okay. I spotted in my previous pregnancy, but it didn't make me any less nervous. I waited anxiously for the doctor to see me. The first thing he did was roll in the ultrasound equipment. As soon as the screen went on, I saw baby waving its hand everywhere, like it was saying Hello, Hello. And then I saw the flickering heart. A tear of relief rolled down my cheek. After showing me different views of my little babe, the doctor zoomed out to see what the cause of my spotting could be. Right under my placenta was a dark spot. The doctor explained that what is happening is that the placenta is right on top of the cervix-- Placenta Previa. I was told no more sex until the placenta separates from the cervix, and no more physical activity--even mellow yoga. No more carrying Diego too much, and just straight up, TAKING IT EASY. I have to be conscious of how much I am spotting, if it gets heavier, it can be the worse. And well, this has me scared. While I feel that the placenta will grow further away from the cervix as my belly makes more room, I still can't help but to worry. So I am taking it very easy, because we are going to do everything possible to make sure babe enters this world in the healthiest state.


And well, on top of all this, we just signed a contract for our first home purchase. So there, take that for a load.

8 week baby the size of a Raspberry

Ginger Ale and a Box of Kleenix

Wow, did I cry so, so much these past few days!It was a little amusing how easily I would start crying, my husband couldn't help but to smile. 500 days of Summer had me balling and vocally questioning Nick through out the whole movie-- although we all know Nick is the best partner there is. It was a whole bunch of "How come you don't look at me like that anymore?" Ha! And although I know I am being silly, I just have to ride out all these crazy emotions I am having because that is part of being pregnant. And in a way, it's sort of endearing (when you look back at least). Even my prenatal yoga and meditation hour yesterday had me crying and feeling so many things.  So not only am I extremely emotional, but morning sickness has been hanging out and now there is a prickly ball in my throat-- please don't get sick, please don't get for real sick. Diego is feeling a little sick too so this morning we just cuddled on the couch and played Super Mario. But now, it is nap time and as much as I want to snuggle it up and sleep with my boo, I got a midterm to study for. Yay.

Already nesting...

Today is the 7 week mark. Poppy is the size of a blueberry. Maybe I'll have to start called baby Berry. It's insane how fast you are growing. I know that before I know it, I will have you sleeping on my chest melting my heart away.

This past week I started taking out Diego's old baby clothes and sorting what I want to keep around for Poppy. I kept mostly gender neutral clothes since I am hoping that this time we have the strength to not find out the sex. With Diego, we didn't find out at our 20 week ultrasound. However husband video taped the ultrasound and we watched it over and over and over until that tiny thing that looked like a penis started to drive us so mad that we just had to find out the sex! This time, we will not look when the ultrasound tech goes south.  Going through my babe's old baby clothes and sorting through his tiny little shoes that still look brand new since he never even moved around when he wore them, well it made me emotional and so damn excited. I'm going to have a little bunny snuggling me all day. How beautiful is that. And what is making me even more excited to take on a whole new life is how awesome my little helper is being! I don't want to jinx it, but I feel that his temper tantrums have passed for now and one can only hope they stay away for a long. long time. He has been the sweetest cuddle bug. He even lifts up my shirt to point at my ombligo and then pinches my belly and then kisses it over and over again. 

Diego's mind has been growing so much. It's exciting to see a child grow and learn and change. Now I say "diaper" when he needs a diaper change and he runs to his changing table, climbs it and lays down until I change his diaper. He pees in the potty before his bath. He goes to the fridge or his high chair to let me know he's hungry (instead of just acting cranky and making me guess). He's talking more and understanding more and he really has been my little helper. You should see him doing the laundry.... really. It's a reminder that Diego will always be my little partner and he will be my helper and lastly, that he will be an amazing brother.

and this 'real' it's impossible if possible

Tomorrow marks week six. 34 left.

the Five week belly mark

(Poppy is tiny, but poppy is making itself be known. My bellybutton is starting to poke out and and I got a little belly already)


I went for a run a few nights ago. It was the perfect night to run, a fall night filled with a light breeze. It was funny to feel the pregnancy symptoms kicking in. I ran holding my boobs because they were so sore and the constant jumping these little mountains had to endure was killing me! And then there was the constant burping. How pretty//  (I am thankful for Maalox).


I am running my first 5k in October. I'm very proud that I will be doing my first run pregnant. With my last pregnancy, I had yoga to accompany my pregnancy experience and bring my closer to my babe and now for no. 2,  I have running. I can tune out and think or not think. I can run and imagine how poppy's nursery will look. I can run and make a mental list of possible names. I can run and practice breathing exercises and prepare myself for a higher level of patience. So much more I will need, mothering two.
Now mothering two, that is a whole other mind fuck. 
Mothering two... so many do it, so many mother 3, 4, 5 maybe 6. But for me mothering two seems insane! For the past week my babe has been, how can I say it? Extremely needy and sensitive. So that means, babe has been like this for as long as I have been aware that I have a no. 2 inside of me. And while learning that I will have another has already brought a whole new level of patience to light, I still find myself wanting to lose it. Mostly when it hits me how much more insane these meltdowns will feel when there are two babes crying at my feet. I can do it, I know I can. And I have no doubt I will be a loving mama to both. But sometimes I wonder, will it take everything I have? Will it make me turn into a mother only? Will all the other me's vanish? It took my a while to realize I was more then just a mother and just a wife when babe was born. It took a long while for art to return to my life, or music, or literature that didn't have to do with motherhood. And I find myself wondering what will happen this time around.

I call you Poppy

Right before I go to sleep, I check out the pregnancy application I downloaded on my phone and I see the tip of the day and whatever other information they might have. They had a video for weeks 4 to 9. It made me emotional to watch the little babe go from a tadpole to a little alien with tiny toes and tiny fingers, and a body the size of a grape. Right now, babe is the size of a Poppy Seed! So it's cute to tell my husband "Poppy is hungry." But here is the thing Poppy, if you are a poppy seed, why is my belly sticking out? Yes, at 4 weeks I already have a belly. What is to come?

Creation Story

Sexy time candle was lit. Lemongrass scent. I set up the macbook with a playlist I had just made. lazyeye by the silversunp. was the one. I danced and made him laugh, we both would laugh and kiss and take a moment to admire each other. I took the lead. And made sure to repeat the song because It made me feel something.

No.2// 15.Sept.2011

It was at an innocent doctor's visit where I sarcastically said, "Well I am not pregnant" as the doctor walked into the room with the urine test results.  She gave me sad eyes, bit her lip and then said,

"Actually, you are."

There, time froze. Shocked to the bones. The doctor talked and talked, and I nodded though I couldn't hear a word she was saying. I left the office with a dazed smile, and performed a laugh and cry alternation cycle all the way home.

This is how I found out there was a little babe brewing up inside of me. What seemed like a practical joke from the Lady Doctor, wasn't. I was in fact pregnant with babe no. 2.