and this 'real' it's impossible if possible

Tomorrow marks week six. 34 left.

the Five week belly mark

(Poppy is tiny, but poppy is making itself be known. My bellybutton is starting to poke out and and I got a little belly already)


I went for a run a few nights ago. It was the perfect night to run, a fall night filled with a light breeze. It was funny to feel the pregnancy symptoms kicking in. I ran holding my boobs because they were so sore and the constant jumping these little mountains had to endure was killing me! And then there was the constant burping. How pretty//  (I am thankful for Maalox).


I am running my first 5k in October. I'm very proud that I will be doing my first run pregnant. With my last pregnancy, I had yoga to accompany my pregnancy experience and bring my closer to my babe and now for no. 2,  I have running. I can tune out and think or not think. I can run and imagine how poppy's nursery will look. I can run and make a mental list of possible names. I can run and practice breathing exercises and prepare myself for a higher level of patience. So much more I will need, mothering two.
Now mothering two, that is a whole other mind fuck. 
Mothering two... so many do it, so many mother 3, 4, 5 maybe 6. But for me mothering two seems insane! For the past week my babe has been, how can I say it? Extremely needy and sensitive. So that means, babe has been like this for as long as I have been aware that I have a no. 2 inside of me. And while learning that I will have another has already brought a whole new level of patience to light, I still find myself wanting to lose it. Mostly when it hits me how much more insane these meltdowns will feel when there are two babes crying at my feet. I can do it, I know I can. And I have no doubt I will be a loving mama to both. But sometimes I wonder, will it take everything I have? Will it make me turn into a mother only? Will all the other me's vanish? It took my a while to realize I was more then just a mother and just a wife when babe was born. It took a long while for art to return to my life, or music, or literature that didn't have to do with motherhood. And I find myself wondering what will happen this time around.

I call you Poppy

Right before I go to sleep, I check out the pregnancy application I downloaded on my phone and I see the tip of the day and whatever other information they might have. They had a video for weeks 4 to 9. It made me emotional to watch the little babe go from a tadpole to a little alien with tiny toes and tiny fingers, and a body the size of a grape. Right now, babe is the size of a Poppy Seed! So it's cute to tell my husband "Poppy is hungry." But here is the thing Poppy, if you are a poppy seed, why is my belly sticking out? Yes, at 4 weeks I already have a belly. What is to come?

Creation Story

Sexy time candle was lit. Lemongrass scent. I set up the macbook with a playlist I had just made. lazyeye by the silversunp. was the one. I danced and made him laugh, we both would laugh and kiss and take a moment to admire each other. I took the lead. And made sure to repeat the song because It made me feel something.

No.2// 15.Sept.2011

It was at an innocent doctor's visit where I sarcastically said, "Well I am not pregnant" as the doctor walked into the room with the urine test results.  She gave me sad eyes, bit her lip and then said,

"Actually, you are."

There, time froze. Shocked to the bones. The doctor talked and talked, and I nodded though I couldn't hear a word she was saying. I left the office with a dazed smile, and performed a laugh and cry alternation cycle all the way home.

This is how I found out there was a little babe brewing up inside of me. What seemed like a practical joke from the Lady Doctor, wasn't. I was in fact pregnant with babe no. 2.